“So what do people get in this life for all their hard work and anxiety? Their days of labor are filled with pain and grief; even at night their minds cannot rest. It is all meaningless”.   Ecclesiastes 2:22-23 NLT

Quit what?  

“Quit trying.” ~  Quit trying to do what?  

“Quit trying to be a Christian.” ~ What?  Are you insane?  Do you know what people are going to say if they hear me say that?  Do you know what could happen?  They’ll say I’ve denied my faith.  And what if they’re right? What if I end up denying that you exist at all? You want me to quit?  I don’t know you.  You are not the package I have been sold my entire life.  You are supposed to be predictable.  How can you ask me to quit?  I have to do my part.  I have to do your will.  I have to be holy like you are holy.  You even said so yourself.

“Walk with me.” ~  I don’t know how.  

“Try putting one foot ahead of the other.  Don’t look way down the trail.  Start with just one foot in front of the other.” ~  But where are we going?  

“Does it matter?” ~  Of course it matters!  What if I go to the wrong place?  What if I don’t go where I am supposed to go? What if I mess up everything by wandering off?  

“If you are wandering off with me, can you really mess up?  How wrong can you be if I am walking with you?” ~ You don’t know me.  You don’t know what others say or could say.  

“Which is it?  What others say? Or, what others could say?” ~  A bit of both I guess.  I’ve had a few who thought I was a bit heretical.  

“Are they the norm?” ~ No.  But I fear what others might say.

“How much of your life do you live in fear of what other’s might say?” ~  A lot actually.  

“Why do you think that is?” ~ Because I want them to like me.  I want to be valued.  I want people to think that I am wise and smart.  I want to feel like I am good at something and that my life has meaning.  That I am good enough to be special.

“What if I told you that you didn’t need to do anything to be special?  What if I could help you believe that you were special because I made you that way?”  ~ ... I don’t know.  I have spent my whole life believing that I had to measure up.  What do I do if I don’t have to prove my significance?

“Try putting one foot ahead of your other one.” ~  That’s it!  That’s all you’re going to tell me?  I need to know what I need to do.  I need to know where I am going. I need to know the expectations that I have to fulfill so that I don’t screw it up and end up looking foolish or worse, stupid, incompetent, immature ~ just ordinary David ~ nobody special.

“How far down the road did you just run?  I can hardly see you you’re so far away.  From my vantage point, you are already down in that far away valley and you ran there all by yourself; alone.  You can’t see Me there because I didn’t walk with you there.” ~ I just want to please you.  I just want to know I am doing it right.  I don’t want to have more failure in my life.

“You seem to be focused on your inabilities, your failures, your fears, your needs, your wants, your achievements, your recognition, your value... Do you notice the one thing these all have in common?” ~ Cut it out! That’s not fair. Don’t twist what I say.  I am trying to please you.  I am trying to live the Christian life.  I want to be a good follower of Jesus.  Don’t make light of my pain and don’t make light of my effort.

“That’s good.  Get it out.” ~  God ... You’re supposed to correct me.  You’re supposed to tell me that I am not to question you; that it is sacrilege to talk to you like this.  You’re supposed to do the Charlton Heston thing on the mountain - booming voice of God shouting, ‘Thou Shalt Not Mess With God!’

“I love you David. I love you just the way you are.  I love your brokenness.  I love your struggle even when it took you to sin.  I love your heart and the genuine desire to know me.  I love your confusion that resulted in you chasing down roads that left you dirty and sometimes bleeding. Ultimately you dead-ended in places where you knew you needed to re-trace your steps back to this place.”    ~ And where is this place exactly? 

“It is where I AM.”  ~ Oh God ... I am afraid of this place.  It is a place that I cannot manipulate.  It is holy.  In this place I have no pretense.  You know me here.  I am dirty.  The pedestals I have stood on are cheap trinkets and the praises of others have a putrid smell.  God, in this place I am nothing. 

“David, my son.  You are my beloved son, in whom I am well pleased.” ~ Look at me!  I am filth.  My whole attention is in self-absorption.  My whole life has been all about me.  How can you say you are pleased with me?

“Do you honestly believe that I do not know who you are?  I formed you in your mother’s whom.  I knit you together.  I know the plans I have for you David.  They are not plans to harm and destroy.  They are plans to bring healing and wholeness.  No eye has seen.  No ear has heard.  No one has ever conceived what I have in store for you.  You are my cherished possession.  I love you with an everlasting love.  I have always loved you.  When you longed to be held, to be noticed, to be valued and cherished - I loved you.  

“Some in the spirit world do not. Some have intended to hurt you, wound you, break you. That will not happen. I AM has been with you even when you could not see and your ears could not hear.  Your brokenness will become your greatest strength.”

Have you ever stopped to realize that you have no secrets? Nothing about you surprises God.  His love for you is not conditioned to your response to him.  He loves you regardless of how you treat him.  If you obey him completely, he will not love you more than he has always loved you.  His love is perfect.  It is everlasting.

“Such love has no fear because perfect love expels all fear. If we are afraid, it is for fear of judgment, and this shows that his love has not been perfected in us.  We love each other as a result of his loving us first.”

1 John 4:18-19